Finding an Apartment

Eric Rothman and I will be the first to tell you that WIR which was at one point a priority of ours has fallen off a bit. We have been searching for a new place to live for the last few weeks and it has taken up much of our time and attention. The search is closing, and soon the site will be back to the way it was. Until then, enjoy what you get you grubby whores.

Finding the perfect apartment is very hard. There are just so many factors that you essentially have to guess at. Sure the apartment is nice but how are the neighbors? You won’t know that the people below you are cooking meth a la Breaking Bad until Jessie Pinkman blows up the joint and you’re building is left in crumbles. You can’t know that there’s a leaky ceiling until your stuck in a monsoon that lasts all week.

The best way to look for an apartment is to follow this checklist. Of course there may be a few outside factors that play into it but for the most part, this is what to look for when you’re looking for your next domicile.

1. Parking- Too high on this list? I don’t think so. In Los Angeles a parking ticket is going to run you around $60. The meter maids are always around too because they know that there aren’t enough places to park legally in this town. The average street parker will get 5-7 tickets per year, if you get a place with a spot you just saved yourself $420.

    2. Neighborhood- This one is obvious but I’m putting it up for a not obvious reason. Look I don’t have any kids, I could give a shit about whatever school district I’m in and as long as there aren’t bloods and crips battling it out outside my building I really don’t care where I live. That being said, it’s important to make sure you move somewhere that has highway access. Traffic is awful; make your life a little simpler and live in a place that makes your morning commute a breeze.                                                                                                          

    3. Size- You need to know who you’re living with to judge this one. A small apartment isn’t a bad thing if you’re the type of person (or people if you have roommates) that just uses your apartment to eat, shit, and sleep. If you know you also want to have a place to relax and plan on spending a lot of time on the couch, get a bigger apartment.                                                                                                                       

    4. Breakfast joint- This actually might replace parking as number one. Having a nearby breakfast joint is huge. If you’re like me you like breakfast. If you’re also like me you’re too tired and too lazy to cook breakfast so you end up just skipping it and waiting until you have the energy to cook lunch in a few hours. That’s why having a breakfast place within walking distance is so important.                                                                                                                                                                                       5. Bathroom- A good apartment comes equipped with some sweet ass bathrooms. It’s the most important room in the house. You need there to be plenty of power outlets for speakers, charging your clippers, and charging your computer while battling a case of the poops. If the bathroom doesn’t have a fan, get the hell out and look for the next place. If the bathroom doesn’t have a window see ya later. They say you do your best thinking in the bathroom, make sure it’s a place you want to be.

So there you have it, five things to check off while looking for your next place. Good luck, happy hunting, and remembers that all prices are negotiable.

-Jeff Kahn

Comments

[angry man]

you have no window in your bathroom..... i was told this