The 15 Minute (Mute) Movie Review: She-Devil

1989 must have been a strange year.  Apparently, during this time Roseanne Barr and Meryl Streep were close enough in popularity and notoriety to co-star in a movie together.  Since that time, the career paths of these two women have diverged slightly.  Meryl Streep is winning Oscars.  Roseanne is doing this.

But, back in 1989, they shared the stage as co-stars of the movie She-Devil.  Alongside Ed Begley Jr., the three share not only the screen, but arguably the worst movie poster of all-time.  (Sidenote: How bad does Ed Begely Jr. feel about his career when he can’t even get his name above the title before Roseanne?)

To be fair, not only did I watch this movie for only 15 minutes, but the movie was on mute while I ate lunch at a restaurant.  Here are my takes on what, from the visuals alone, look like the worst movie ever.

1) This movie was being played on some channel called This.  That’s right; the name of the channel is This.  I’m assuming that when the executive board of This got together to decide how to allocate the $14.85 it had in its movie budget, they decided to break down and pay the 35-cents it cost to get the rights to She-Devil.  For an extra nickel they could have had every movie Roseanne ever made, they declined.

Click to read more ...

T³: Top Ten Thursday: Shaq Quotes

Shaq. Shaq Fu. Shaqtus. The Diesel. The Big Aristotle. Whatever you prefer to call him, there’s no denying that Shaquille O’Neal was probably the most entertaining basketball player ever. His off-court personality was so unique that he transcended the sport.

He also strung words together in a way that made you scratch your head and listen twice to make sure you didn’t hear incorrectly.

So today, I present the Top Ten Shaq Quotes:

10) “I weigh 330,000 pounds…I’m the NBA’s best NFL player, and I’ve always been the sexiest 7-footer in the NBA – for 12 years running.”

Click to read more ...

To Rent or Not to Rent

The beauty of living with roommates is that everyone has their own unique tastes.  This can obviously be a problem when those tastes include not cleaning the dishes, but, for the most part being around people with different tastes can be a positive thing. 

 I bring this up because in my house, the four roommates all of varying tastes when it comes to film.  Usually, we all agree on what to watch, but it’s rarely a majority decision.  Can’t say I was hoping on board to see Fright Night a few weeks back.  But you compromise.  These compromises have led to me seeing a slew of movies that I never would have seen or simply dismissed when they came out as absolute garbage.  Some of these new viewings have been pleasantly surprising; others have reminded me why I didn’t see the movie in the first place.

 So, when you’re looking for something to Netflix this weekend, here are some movies of yesteryear to check out…or avoid.

Click to read more ...

Kevin Reviews Things: Chronicle, The Movie

Kevin Brown from the site Kevin Reviews Things gives us his take on the new movie Chronicle.  Check out the blog and also, head over to his site for more great reviews.

Movie trailers are an interesting beast.  On one hand, they’re absolutely worth watching to give the viewer a quality guess at how the movie will be.  You can tell by the majority of trailers whether or not a film will be, at the very least, a good idea to spend ten bucks on.  On the other hand, they’re often quite misleading.  Lest we forget, there are people hired to cut these things, making otherwise unwatchable films into an entertaining two-minute package.  The end result: there are more good-looking trailers than bad-looking ones.

So generally when you get a trailer that doesn’t look good, you can bet against any semblance of a quality film.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you exception to the rule #1…the trailer for Chronicle.

Your likely response is something along these lines: “oh, look, another found footage movie!  Chock-full of obnoxious teenagers doing obnoxious things!  With an implausible plot line!  And there’s no way they could get all this from a simple video camera!”

If that’s your reaction, well…welcome to the club.  It was mine too.  Your next reaction, however, should be a complete 180.  Just check out Chronicle‘s 84% positive score on Rotten Tomatoes.

Sometimes, you just need to believe the positive reactions.  If you’re a Knicks fan, you figured Jeremy Lin was just filling up a roster spot, a career journeyman with not much NBA talent.  Then he scored 25 points against the Nets, and your curiosity was piqued.  And then you tuned in the next night, and were rewarded, when Lin hung 28 on the Jazz in another win.  Consider Chronicle the Jeremy Lin of movies – it came out of nowhere, it didn’t look good, and it suddenly start to raise some eyes with an overwhelmingly positive performance.  And you tuned in for Lin – so tune in for Chronicle.

Click to read more ...

Keep the Change

Time for another "are you kidding me" moment in the life and times of Jeff Kahn. Every morning before work, I go across the street to a gas station. I buy the same thing every day; one diet peach Snapple, and a blueberry pastry thingy that doesn’t seem to have a name. The total cost of my breakfast of champions is $3.74.

This morning after picking out my usual, I paid with a ten-dollar bill. What I expected to get in return was some change. A few bills, a few coins, on my way. Hambo, the cashier, gave me a single, 26 cents, and four gold one-dollar coins. Coins? What? I’m sorry, when did I move to Europe?

What am I supposed to do with dollar coins? The only thing a dollar coin is good for is gaining value because they’re so rare and so dumb, only a limited amount were made. You’re not supposed to get them as change; you’re supposed to get them from your Grandmother after you find the hidden matzo on Passover (I’ll take things people didn’t know Jew’s do on Passover for $500, Alex).

Click to read more ...